There is no room in Poly or BDSM for lies. Lies will destroy all types of relationships. Don’t let the lies make you question yourself, or your worth. This isn’t just about Dominants either, trust me I know some submissives that are just as guilty.
IF you care so little about that person, end the relationship, in a respectful way. How you handle yourself during situations like this will reflect on reputation, as it should. As a community, we should watch out for this type of deceitful behavior, and protect those that have unfortunately been trapped in a web of lies.
Those that are being lied to, seek help from a member in the community, in real life or on line. Get out of your situation, especially if it’s abusive (mental, physical or sexual). Afterwards, take this time to grow as a person in the community because you never know when you might be returning the favor.
Those types of people, especially the ones that lie and don’t care about the persons well being, are not true to the lifestyle, don’t deserve respect or any self given title (usually Master).
I personally have experienced this, was told there was no one else, when there was. Which is why most people think poly means you can and are cheating. To protect all members in the relationship, be upfront and honest about your other relationship(s)/partner(s). I was also lied to about where he was and who he was with, when he was suppose to be with me. I questioned myself when he wouldn’t own up to his actions, instead of questioning him for not being an actual Dom. I hope my experience can shed some light on how cancerous a single lie can be. Also those that are being lied to, DONT allow them to break you, DONT buy into their bullshit. Walk away, with your head high, because you are better than them, deserve better AND will find better.
When first discovering the BDSM/Poly lifestyle, it would be wise to go in with an open mind and a closed mouth (you will learn more listening instead of talking). Also there is not a “how-to” BDSM manual, so that means you have to actually put in the time and effort to educate yourself. Educating yourself will help you get a better understanding of the LS, the various kinks (and if we want to make that a hard limit). By using that knowledge you have empowered yourself against the predators you WILL encounter while looking for a S\o, online chatting, or even at your local munches.
YKNMK (your kinks not my kink): The beautiful thing about our lifestyles is we shouldn’t be judged for what turns us on. A kink might not be about your pleasure, it might be about your S/o’s pleasure, or to show your submission to that person. With that in mind make sure limits and safe words have been set, discussed, and of course honored BEFORE playing.
Do not allow anyone to convince you to do something that is illegal, harmful to yourself or others, or one of your hard limits. That person is not looking out for your well being (mental or physical), has great potential to be a predator and does not respect you as a person or partner.
Be true to yourself by already educating yourself about the lifestyles, have a safe word picked out, hard limits set (kinks as well) and also deside what do you want out of the lifestyle, yourself, and your partner. Do NOT jump in this lifestyle, and allow others to pressure you into anything you are against, or tell you you’re “fake” because you do not kink like they do. Always be true to yourself, seek happiness and play safe.
The owner of SinsualSteel, Ray, and I discussed what product should i review for his business, and also give to one of the WCDT (Whips, Chains & Duct Tape) fans. There was one i was interested, had been for a while now, the “Mini Rattan Scourge”. Ray promised me sting (i’m a lover of sting, hate thud) even from this “little” guy.
When i received my package, i was beyond excited, i mean who doesn’t like new toys?!?!?! I pulled out the MINI rattan scourge (around 16” inches long) I totally giggled. All i could think was Ray has lost his mind, THIS is going to sting.
Let me just set the record straight on a few things. 1. NEVER judge a book by its cover and 2. NEVER doubt Ray!! Playtime was scheduled a few days later..
My Play Partner said that he had the same first impression , once he started swinging it, we both changed our minds rather quickly.. He said that because of its short size it was very stiff, which prevents “wrap-around” (curving or extending around at the edges or sides.). The smaller size allows you quick precision strikes, also great for the more sensitive parts of my body. The size of this toy allows you to bring it with you almost all the time, for a quick play time spanking, or for those that are naughty and need to be put in their place.
Being the masochist, and on the receiving end of this “mini” spanking toy, i must say i was shocked at the level of sting. I also liked it because it’s small, i was able to be in his arms while he spanked me, most of the longer canes are too big for that. It felt like a hand of canes, i felt each and every since one but then the punch (that still stayed very stingy). I bruised very nicely on my butt and boobs, and also floated off to subspace.
I have ordered the regular size Scourge which is 24” long, to compare the regular size and the mini, which will be my next review.
Ray takes pride in his product, enjoys helping customers with questions and also enjoys making new items that us masochist fall in love with.
If you have any questions you can email me at wcdt.fb@gmail.com
IF you have questions for Ray, you can find him on etsy at: https://www.etsy.com/shop/SinsualSteel
Having sub-drop is not easy no matter what is going on in your life. Even if you have a support group, and great aftercare it can still happen. The best way to get through this is to be prepared, know the signs and communicate to your Dom/me.
There is a ton of information on varies sites about aftercare, aftercare kits etc…but not much about a sub-drop kit. Please don’t forget that sub-drop can happen to anyone, no matter how well you communicate or how great the aftercare was.
Let’s start off by discussing what your body goes through during a BDSM scene. Your body goes through many changes because of the pleasure and the pain throughout the scene. Your body’s natural reaction is to release epinephrine from the adrenal glands, as well as endorphins and enkephalins. This produces a trance like state, where our pain tolerance is higher and we have a floating feeling aka subspace. Your body enjoys this feeling, and does not react well when it’s over. It can happen other ways as well like a “runner’s high”. When the scene is over and you float back down to reality you body can cause the opposite reaction called sub-drop.
While in sub-drop, you can feel depressed, very emotional, hopeless, embarrassed of the scene, needy, even suicidal. The effects vary from person to person and even vary with different scenes. This is why communication (yes that word again) is #1. Let your Dom/me or Top know if you have any mental problems, taking medication for it, or have had suicidal thought or actions. That way aftercare can be handled in a proper fashion.
The key to handling this in the best way possible is to know your body, know the signs, and being prepared. Now of course this will vary depending on if your relationship is LDR, On-line only, or if you live together. No matter what, have the aftercare kit, and a drop kit ready, it’s always better to be safe than to be sorry.
In your aftercare kit, I suggest a blanket (your temp can drop in subspace), hard candy or chocolate, your fave stuffie, water or Gatorade (need to re-hydrate after a scene), a dvd of your favorite movie, a letter from your Dom/me (Dom/me make sure you let them know just how proud you are of them and how far they have come in their submission), access to your Dom/me if you are in a LDR or on-line only type relationship (the first 24 hrs are the most crucial).
In your drop kit (some things may be the same or similar to the aftercare kit), i know some of these things are going to sound simple, but remember subdrop is very similar to a bad case of depression. A warm blanket, watch your favorite movie or a season of your favorite show, a schedule for the next day or so (any appointments, medication times, even a menu of food you need to prepare for you/your family), box of tissue, chocolate or hard candy, lots of water, take a walk (fresh air and sunlight can work wonders on your body), call a friend (sometimes talking about other things can take your mind off of what you’re going through), go see a movie with a friend (forcing you to get dressed, get fresh air, and enjoying yourself), take a bubble bath (candles, oils, your favorite music), get your hair cut, colored or just styled (pamper yourself), a body massage (works wonders, but take the bruises in consideration). The MOST important thing would be to communicate to your Dom/me or Top of what you are going through, talking it out can sometimes help you, also knowing this is normal and will pass can also help.
D/s or BDSM is NOT something you just jump into, education yourself about the different aspects of this lifestyle, knowing your needs AND your limits can help the scene, know your body both mental and physical, communication (before, during and after a scene), trusting your partner, and last but not least is to be prepared. All of this can help you and your partner have a productive scene, find a connection and form a bond.
If you have any question you can always reach me by Email.
It is NOT some pretty necklace your boyfriend bought you!
It NOT something you should be taking after submitting last week!
It is a bond, between Master/slave, Dom/sub, Daddy/lg (and other dynamics) that is SUPPOSE to last a lifetime, it is and should be treated as a sacred bond, a marriage between two people that live a different type of lifestyle.
I really get sick of some people that are collared within days of even knowing their Dom..its like going to Vegas and marrying the drunk guy in the casino. Have some respect for yourself and this lifestyle, think things through before submitting and taking His/Her collar. There is no need to rush things, IF it is meant to be it will.
A safe word is a code word to let your Dominant (or play partner) know that you are ready to pause or stop. Some use the stop light system (3 safe words) you can use “green, yellow, red” or pick your own words. The meaning behind those words are GREEN: yes I’m ok, loving it, please keep going. YELLOW: slow down some, i need to adjust a little or I’m ok but getting close to the stopping point. RED: STOP NOW, and now means NOW, not a few minutes from now. Red can be because you are hurting beyond your pain threshold, or something that was said, an action or even a smell has triggered a flashback of some kind.
Who should have a safe word? EVERYONE.
I know the people that use RACK would argue against that, because they are “risk aware” but can you really be prepared for everything? There can be things that happen that have nothing to do with the scene like a stomach ache, or a migraine that comes on, your leg goes numb because of an injury you had years ago. Even if you never use it, have one, just in case.
Does having a safe word mean you do not trust the Dom/Top? Not at all, they are not in your head, they can only tell so much by your moans and movements, so to avoid possible physical or mental damage use the safe word. It will be easier to get back in the mood or try a different type scene after a safe word, than if you let it get to the point of mental or physical damage with no safe word.
When should you pick a safe word? NOW! Do not wait until you have a Dom/me or you are on the way to a play session. The safe word is yours, yours to pick and yours to use. Discuss this with your potential Dom/me or Top. Make sure they know what your safe word is BEFORE you start the scene!! Always use common your sense and play safe.
Here as some basic rules for anal play. Not saying I know everything about this subject but from my experiences and research, I do know quite a bit.
Anal should NOT be painful, the first time yes there may be some discomfort, but it will be more like pressure and a feeling of fullness than sharp pain. If the man is very well endowed obviously it will be more intense. Here is a list of guidelines when it comes to anal.
There is no such thing as too much lube, when u think you have used enough use more.
If your girl has never done anal before then DO NOT start out with your penis, use a small toy or your fingers to start, I highly recommend starting her with some anal training. Use a plug or a Dilator. Start with the smallest then work your way up until she can comfortably take a plug the size of your penis.
DO NOT use numbing lube, actually pain is your friend here, if you feel a sharp tearing pain then let your partner know so he can stop.
This takes time and patience so take it slow, do not get in a hurry, and do not rush her. If you don’t go at her pace then you will mess this up for her and she may never be able to enjoy anal play.
Once she is stretched enough you can now try anal play. Once you get your penis completely in, stop, let her get use to having something in her anus (especially the first few times), once she is comfortable then you need to go slow until she tells you to speed up. Again if you mess this up you may not get a second chance.
