Month: July 2020

How does Ageplay differ from being a Little/Middle/Big?

For starters a “little” is an adult that has the personality and mindset of someone younger, childlike, they are the submissive in a BDSM dynamic. A middle has the mindset of a teenager, and a big would be early 20s. This is NOT a kink, it is their role!

A little that does NOT ageplay will NOT have a “little age”, that is characteristic of someone that ageplays. A little is in or looking for a “DD/lg” a “MD/lg” or “CG/lg” (or lb for little boy/boi) type of relationship dynamic. They prefer a Caregiver or a Daddy/Mommy Dom to serve since they usually have similar kinks and relationship goals. This part of the lifestyle is NOT incest or pedophilla, it’s always a relationship between consenting adults (18+).

Caregiver is a gender neutral term, and doesn’t have to be the “Dom” in the dynamic. A lot of times it is someone that helps them when ageplaying/little space and helps make sure they take their meds, drink water and eat healthy.

Ageplay is a form of role playing, you role play a different age or treat someone as if they were a different age. This isn’t always a role play, age regression is real, it is even used in hypnotic therapy to help with childhood trauma. You can role play someone older or younger, it can be sexual or non-sexual, but it has to be between consenting adults. Like all role playing activities ageplay can be a way to relieve stress, provide comfort and safety or help with emotional scars from their childhood. This is considered a “bottom” kink since submitting does not have to be part of the role playing.

During ageplay the goal is to hit “little space” this is different and not to be confused with “sub space”. Little space is the headspace the ageplayer gets into during the scene. The regression will vary with the person, various things can trigger going into little space, like coloring, your CG’s tone of voice, a cartoon/movie. Caregivers, ask your partners what types of things they enjoy doing when in little space, what things take them out of little space, and if they need anything special while in little space, never just assume. Diaper play can also be part of ageplay, but is not required.

Littles that do NOT ageplay do NOT go in and out of little space. They are always in some form of little space. IF you are a little and at any point you regress in age, regardless if you are aware of it or not you are ageplaying. Nothing wrong with that, because you can be both. I have personally dealt with the “littles” that know everything and push their lack of education on others, by trying to make them feel less of a little or sub.

•You can be a little and NOT ageplay.

•You can ageplay and NOT be a little.

•You can be BOTH.

•You can be an ABDL and NOT role play or NOT be a little or a sub, OR you can be all 3.

•You can be an AB (Adult baby) and NOT be into diapers.

•You can be into diapers and NOT be into AB or ageplay.

There are a lot of different combinations with littles and those that ageplay! Don’t judge others if they don’t ageplay like you, or if you thought you HAD to ageplay to be a little. I’ve noticed those that thought you HAD to ageplay (or have a littles age) to be a little, didn’t realize that ageplay doesn’t necessarily mean diapers and bottles.

Hopefully this has cleared up any confusion concerning littles and those that ageplay.

There are a lot of kinkster/BDSM community sites on the internet. One of the oldest, and most commonly used is Fetlife.com*. When first getting into the lifestyle and then joining Fet it can be really overwhelming. Take your time when filling out your profile, if you don’t understand something either ask a friend, bdsm forum, other kinksters on Fet or google it.

Here are some areas on Fetlife that are important to complete on your profile, and are important to look at when vetting someone else. We do change so it’s ok to update your role, what you are looking for and/or your kinks as often as you need to. The only right answers are the ones which are right for you, so be honest.

Your role helps people understand who you are at this moment within the BDSM lifestyle. A submissive is more than likely looking for some kind of Dom, while a masochist is probably looking for a Sadist. Research the various roles within BDSM, see which one fits you now. Please do not take the BDSM test to get role suggestions. That test is NOT accurate, I’ve taken it several times, given the same answers and I got different results.

How active are you? This lets people know what level of BDSM you are looking for. For example 24/7 means a very committed relationship with a lot of interaction, or “just the bedroom” means no kink outside of the scenes. What level do you require in your relationship?

What are you “looking for”? I personally have friendship and events ✔️ off. Meaning that’s all I use my profile for, I’m not looking for a relationship or play partner (but I still get those creepy mssgs asking to hook up). You can change them as you change and what you are looking for changes. There is no shame wanting what YOU want.

Another area that is important is the kinks. You can now list fetishes as the following, “into”, “curious about”, “soft limits”, and “hard limits” IF you are listing it as something you are into regardless if it’s giving, receiving or everything about it, you should have ACTUAL experience with that kink. Make sure you understand what the kink is before listing it under your fetishes. Do NOT make up your own definitions, or apply Vanilla meanings to the kinks. If you have CNC (Consensual Non-Consent) as an “into” fetish, for example, but you’ve never tried it you are misleading and can put yourself in a potentially dangerous spot. Most kinks aren’t really dangerous if you mislabeled them, but the ones that are considered edge play are VERY dangerous and even deadly so make sure you label them properly.

IF YOU HAVE NOT PHYSICALLY EXPERIENCED THE KINK, YOU NEED TO LIST IT AS “CURIOUS ABOUT” When talking to someone new, make sure you ask them about their “into” kinks, how much experience with each, the amounts of research and education they have put into the kink. This is all part of the vetting process to see if they are into the same kinks, and experienced enough for you to feel safe. The kinks or activities you will NOT do are listed as your “hard limit”. Those are not to be questioned or forced on you. The soft limits are kinks you are willing to try with more education or an experienced person.

Going through all of the kinks, looking up ones you’ve never heard of, or something you never thought of as a kink will help you grow as a kinky person. You will have a better understanding of your needs and how to communicate the desire for them. If something is a deal breaker, either you can not live without it or it’s a trigger or hard limit for you, list that in your profile.

These are just a few things to do so your Fetlife profile fits you as a kinky person. Make sure you read other member’s profiles to see who they are, what they are into, and what they are looking for BEFORE Sending a mssg. You can tell a lot by a person on fet that has nothing filled out, doesn’t respect your communicational terms, follows a ton of people but very few friends or has joined a lot of groups that are just sex related.

*we are not affiliated with Fetlife in any way. These are my opinions on having a successful experience on Fetlife.

*edit update. PrimalPiggy has a YouTube video up about setting your Fetlife profile up. He takes you step by step with various important areas. This will be a multi-part series. Click the link to go to our BDSM United YouTube channel.