There is no room in Poly or BDSM for lies. Lies will destroy all types of relationships. Don’t let the lies make you question yourself, or your worth. This isn’t just about Dominants either, trust me I know some submissives that are just as guilty.

IF you care so little about that person, end the relationship, in a respectful way. How you handle yourself during situations like this will reflect on reputation, as it should. As a community, we should watch out for this type of deceitful behavior, and protect those that have unfortunately been trapped in a web of lies.

Those that are being lied to, seek help from a member in the community, in real life or on line. Get out of your situation, especially if it’s abusive (mental, physical or sexual). Afterwards, take this time to grow as a person in the community because you never know when you might be returning the favor.

Those types of people, especially the ones that lie and don’t care about the persons well being, are not true to the lifestyle, don’t deserve respect or any self given title (usually Master).

I personally have experienced this, was told there was no one else, when there was. Which is why most people think poly means you can and are cheating. To protect all members in the relationship, be upfront and honest about your other relationship(s)/partner(s). I was also lied to about where he was and who he was with, when he was suppose to be with me. I questioned myself when he wouldn’t own up to his actions, instead of questioning him for not being an actual Dom. I hope my experience can shed some light on how cancerous a single lie can be. Also those that are being lied to, DONT allow them to break you, DONT buy into their bullshit. Walk away, with your head high, because you are better than them, deserve better AND will find better.


Be true to oneself 

When first discovering the BDSM/Poly lifestyle, it would be wise to go in with an open mind and a closed mouth (you will learn more listening instead of talking). Also there is not a “how-to” BDSM manual, so that means you have to actually put in the time and effort to educate yourself. Educating yourself will help you get a better understanding of the LS, the various kinks (and if we want to make that a hard limit). By using that knowledge you have empowered yourself against the predators you WILL encounter while looking for a S\o, online chatting, or even at your local munches. 

YKNMK (your kinks not my kink):  The beautiful thing about our lifestyles is we shouldn’t be judged for what turns us on. A kink might not be about your pleasure, it might be about your S/o’s pleasure, or to show your submission to that person. With that in mind make sure limits and safe words have been set, discussed, and of course honored BEFORE playing. 

Do not allow anyone to convince you to do something that is illegal, harmful to yourself or others, or one of your hard limits. That person is not looking out for your well being (mental or physical), has great potential to be a predator and does not respect you as a person or partner.

Be true to yourself by already educating yourself about the lifestyles, have a safe word picked out, hard limits set (kinks as well) and also deside what do you want out of the lifestyle, yourself, and your partner. Do NOT jump in this lifestyle, and allow others to pressure you into anything you are against, or tell you you’re “fake” because you do not kink like they do. Always be true to yourself, seek happiness and play safe.

Jen of WCDT