It is NOT some pretty necklace your boyfriend bought you!
It NOT something you should be taking after submitting last week!
It is a bond, between Master/slave, Dom/sub, Daddy/lg (and other dynamics) that is SUPPOSE to last a lifetime, it is and should be treated as a sacred bond, a marriage between two people that live a different type of lifestyle.
I really get sick of some people that are collared within days of even knowing their Dom..its like going to Vegas and marrying the drunk guy in the casino. Have some respect for yourself and this lifestyle, think things through before submitting and taking His/Her collar. There is no need to rush things, IF it is meant to be it will.
A safe word is a code word to let your Dominant (or play partner) know that you are ready to pause or stop. Some use the stop light system (3 safe words) you can use “green, yellow, red” or pick your own words. The meaning behind those words are GREEN: yes I’m ok, loving it, please keep going. YELLOW: slow down some, i need to adjust a little or I’m ok but getting close to the stopping point. RED: STOP NOW, and now means NOW, not a few minutes from now. Red can be because you are hurting beyond your pain threshold, or something that was said, an action or even a smell has triggered a flashback of some kind.
Who should have a safe word? EVERYONE.
I know the people that use RACK would argue against that, because they are “risk aware” but can you really be prepared for everything? There can be things that happen that have nothing to do with the scene like a stomach ache, or a migraine that comes on, your leg goes numb because of an injury you had years ago. Even if you never use it, have one, just in case.
Does having a safe word mean you do not trust the Dom/Top? Not at all, they are not in your head, they can only tell so much by your moans and movements, so to avoid possible physical or mental damage use the safe word. It will be easier to get back in the mood or try a different type scene after a safe word, than if you let it get to the point of mental or physical damage with no safe word.
When should you pick a safe word? NOW! Do not wait until you have a Dom/me or you are on the way to a play session. The safe word is yours, yours to pick and yours to use. Discuss this with your potential Dom/me or Top. Make sure they know what your safe word is BEFORE you start the scene!! Always use common your sense and play safe.