Darkness & Light

WCDT 101:Back to basics with safe words by Jen.

A safe word is a code word to let your Dominant (or play partner) know that you are ready to pause or stop. Some use the stop light system (3 safe words) you can use “green, yellow, red” or pick your own words. The meaning behind those words are GREEN: yes I’m ok, loving it, please keep going. YELLOW: slow down some, i need to adjust a little or I’m ok but getting close to the stopping point. RED: STOP NOW, and now means NOW, not a few minutes from now. Red can be because you are hurting beyond your pain threshold, or something that was said, an action or even a smell has triggered a flashback of some kind.

Who should have a safe word? EVERYONE.

I know the people that use RACK would argue against that, because they are “risk aware” but can you really be prepared for everything? There can be things that happen that have nothing to do with the scene like a stomach ache, or a migraine that comes on, your leg goes numb because of an injury you had years ago. Even if you never use it, have one, just in case.

Does having a safe word mean you do not trust the Dom/Top? Not at all, they are not in your head, they can only tell so much by your moans and movements, so to avoid possible physical or mental damage use the safe word. It will be easier to get back in the mood or try a different type scene after a safe word, than if you let it get to the point of mental or physical damage with no safe word.

When should you pick a safe word? NOW! Do not wait until you have a Dom/me or you are on the way to a play session. The safe word is yours, yours to pick and yours to use. Discuss this with your potential Dom/me or Top. Make sure they know what your safe word is BEFORE you start the scene!! Always use common your sense and play safe.

Here as some basic rules for anal play. Not saying I know everything about this subject but from my experiences and research, I do know quite a bit.

Anal should NOT be painful, the first time yes there may be some discomfort, but it will be more like pressure and a feeling of fullness than sharp pain. If the man is very well endowed obviously it will be more intense. Here is a list of guidelines when it comes to anal.

1. There is no such thing as too much lube, when u think you have used enough use more.
2. If your girl has never done anal before then DO NOT start out with your penis, use a small toy or your fingers to start, I highly recommend starting her with some anal training. Use a plug or a Dilator. Start with the smallest then work your way up until she can comfortably take a plug the size of your penis.
3. DO NOT use numbing lube, actually pain is your friend here, if you feel a sharp tearing pain then let your partner know so he can stop.
4. This takes time and patience so take it slow, do not get in a hurry, and do not rush her. If you don’t go at her pace then you will mess this up for her and she may never be able to enjoy anal play.
5. Once she is stretched enough you can now try anal play. Once you get your penis completely in, stop, let her get use to having something in her anus (especially the first few times), once she is comfortable then you need to go slow until she tells you to speed up. Again if you mess this up you may not get a second chance.