There are a ton of different types of predators within the BDSM lifestyle. This is why we push for everyone to educate themselves (before getting involved with a partner), communicate about everything (asking questions) and trust your gut. Use common sense!! Join education group on either fb or fetlife, ask other members of this lifestyle if something sounds weird or off. Get involved with your local community, and attend munches. Ask the d-type questions, ask the same questions again to see if their story changes, ask for references if they’ve been in the lifestyle for any amount of time. Check out their social media for (especially Fet) to see if their story lines up with what they are telling you.
Today I want to bring to your attention a “collector”, it’s a predator that disguises as a D-type, that likes to collect subs.
Not to be confused with an Ethical Non-monogamous dynamic, there is nothing ethical about a collector. A collector does not care about the lifestyle, or about the submissives they are trying to collect. This is a sick game for them to take advantage of someone either new, low self esteem or in sub frenzy. They are literally a walking red flag!
The D-type will know just enough about BDSM to look experienced and knowledgeable BUT doesn’t actually have any experience or REAL knowledge about anything in this lifestyle. A lot of times they will “appoint” an alpha (meaning the lead sub in a poly dynamic) to find newbie submissives. If this is an on-line only dynamic the predator dom can convince the subs to send them money, pics/videos or personal information. In person, they can do that as well, but they can also mentally/physically abuse you, rape, steal your personal items, or even hold you against your will.
A friend of mine met a “dom” online, moved in with him right away (against my warnings) he held her hostage (along with 6 other subs) for months. He made them do drugs so they would be more complacent, stole everything from them (including money sent by family), a friend of hers had to break into his house and physically remove her. She hadn’t eaten in a few days (she’s diabetic) and was drugged out of her mind (she never did drugs before this)…
She wasn’t super new to the lifestyle, but she was desperate to find a D-type to submit to. If she hadn’t been rescued, she could have died from many different things. All of the subs that were being held at that house ran away that day, thankfully.