Beautifully Bound on Collaring

Sully from Beautifully Bound Leather wrote this a few years back, its short and to the point. She has a educational blog, and makes custom collars as well. Worth checking out.

This was written in 2015, and is still an issue today.

What are your thoughts on this? Questions?

*i just want to add that this was wrote a while back, and from Sully’s perspective so the D-type is male and the s-type is female. Of course you can change that to fit your own gender and your own dynamic, the meaning still stands.

Does Wearing a Collar Mean the Same Thing Any More?

Article link:…/does-wearing-a…

What is happening?

Although kinky folk are very welcoming of their own kind…those new to the lifestyle, who have done no learning at all and are quickly creating their own rules. This scares me…in a short space of time, this will be the new ‘normal’ way of doing things.

This morning I read about a new sub, who was happy she got to 7 months in her relationship (the average was 4 months) and wanted her Dom to give her money for a pretty collar she had her eye on. She was shocked when her Dom said no.


Would you force a vanilla man to buy you an engagement ring if he had not asked you to even marry him? No, that is mental, you look like an idiot.

Would you buy yourself a collar & wear it all proudly for the world to see? No, because if it was not GIVEN by an actual Dom… it’s just a necklace like everyone else has. It means nothing.

You can not force a Dom to collar you

You can not ASK a Dom to collar you

You can not buy a collar…give it to him, then make him put it on you. (Yes…this happen a LOT)

If you are lucky enough to get a real collar, this is a commitment HE has made to you…Because he WANTED to.

That collar remains HIS, it is not yours. He can take it away at any time, it belongs to HIM.

Keep in mind that a Dom may never give a collar to anyone. Some like to constantly learn and master their own selves before they would even THINK of mastering someone else. A Dom like this, when he does give a collar, will know that HIS collar is given to a worthy sub he will dedicate his time to…and expect that in return.

People seriously, there are a lot of us who take the gift of a collar very seriously, it could be a ribbon, simple chain or a traditional one that locks…it doesn’t matter. It’s the fact that HE has given it that means something. We have been together for 17 years. He has not collared me. I have NEVER asked and never forced the subject. This is his choice and I am totally ok with it. No tanties are thrown over it. He knows I’m not going anywhere.

Newbies, please be respectful of those older in the lifestyle. We have sore faces from all the facepalms we do. If you are 19 and demanding a collar…just go & be 19 and come back when you are grown up. The average age in a BDSM relationship is the late 30’s onwards.


Beautifully Bound

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